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I've apparently obtained this elusive, fantastical window-of-time in which I can actually sacrifice to spend doting upon dA and/or the people that inhibit it!

It sounds a bit hyperbolic, but I will admit that I feel I'm under a reasonable amount of tension and strain — Not simply due to Exam Hell™, but also caused by the lack of my father's presence in our home? I'm a decently overt person, and I have revealed that my father is working in another state, leaving my mother and I alone. The precedent of arguments arising between my mother and I is usually over the lack of my father to assist us, and I do terribly miss him, although he can be a bit...Exasperating occasionally.

Before I allow this to spiral into a tangential spiel about my Life Story®, I would like to address a few things. Foremost, what-the-honk should genuinely be awarded for their journals and the topics they choose to discuss, as they invoke a sense of relatability and usage in common, colloquial issues. This is actually a bit inspired by one (or a multitude, actually) of their 'r a n t s', because they do share a decent amount of insight in a comedic fashion. I, unfortunately, am not here to serve the same purpose — I'm neither quite hilarious in my own respect nor able to make jokes under potentially serious circumstances (at least those that don't serve me being the butt of the joke).

Anyway...It's a bit Politically Driven™. Perhaps, a lot, I'm not sure. I'd like to discuss and/or dissect the ideology of how Straight FanGirls Fetishize Gay Shipsridiculous, I realize, but I have realized that the perpetuation surrounding it has further demonized and/or stereotyped the LGBT+ Community, specifically, surrounding the 'G', within Internet bubbles. WARNING: This will likely be long and tangent off of the original intent (I apologize).

1. Can you please stop addressing MLM Fictions and/or Works as "Sinful"?
This rhetoric applies doubly if there are sexual and/or explicit undertones implicated within the work. I get it, Gay Men are hot. Viktor and Yuri are an OTP. It's incredibly disheartening to find someone that claims they 'ship' Denmark and Norway of Hetalia, but are disgusted and/or don't support homosexuality IRL. It's messy, alright? LGBT+ Relationships™ don't exist in a veritable vacuum — they are incredibly complex and nuanced as far as the range of human emotions extend. To state otherwise is to stereotype LGBT+ folk, and whether it is in a positive or negative light is irrelevant as it still upholds standards that cannot be true in every occasion.

    FanGirls/People that 'ship' two nonexistent characters (or even two existent ones), in some fairytale-esque exposition, but are unable to do so IRL under the pretenses of homophobia, this is for you. I cannot excommunicate someone from the Human Community® as atrocious, awful, or repulsive under this one, (albeit disturbing), flaw. There is no Pope for the People. What I can do, is eradicate them from my personal orbit, state, "I dislike you for this reason. I cannot overlook homophobia as a character flaw when it is ingrained in the epitome of me, when I am the exact identification of something you cannot bear." That is what I shall do with these type of people. I do not claim to be morally compassable in any fashion, but if you are repulsed by a butch WOC lesbian and her disabled, transgender GF in reality, but still stick to the fantasy that is fetishized homosexuality in Yaoi, in distorted BL, you are a hypocrite. One I cannot stand with or for. Sorry.

2. I've seen a majority of FanGirls idolize "Gay OTPs" IRL, and it's slightly dangerous.
Last I checked, these types of people, those that are obsessive over a MLM shipping, vehemently infatuated with the idea of Destiel, are also the same kinds of people that tend to coo and 'awe' at homosexual couples IRL. It's irritating, demeaning in a condescending fashion, and has the potential to be dangerous if around homophobic surroundings. MLM is not an ideology to distort as amazing, as beautiful, as dazzling because the extent of stubble-kisses is somehow exciting. It is not something to be idolized and fetishized as it is often done in Yaoi or BL to appeal to audiences eager to consume heteronormative, fixations of homosexuality and the LGBT+ Community as a whole. It seems that a myriad of girls like this, at least those I have met, are disappointed when MLM couples don't live up to the Bishonen Make-Out that is Yaoi  — Because, guess what? MLM ISN'T IDENTIFIABLE. It isn't a spectrum or a monochrome canvas and it can't be depicted in a fantasy setting, to be easily assimilated. Human emotions and feelings, fluid sexualities, all of those range quite farther than that. 

3. WLW Porn isn't what it seems.
Now that I've reasonably 'dragged' Straight, Homophobic Girls™, I felt it would only be fair to do so with Straight, Homophobic, Boys™. Firstly, WLW porn isn't as you'd expect. It, as most things LGBT+ perceived by mainstream, heteronormative society, is fetishized. Two Sapphic people will not fuck immediately after they've met (most of them, anyway). Two Sapphic people may not even possess the same genitalia that alludes to cisnormative preferences. It will not be filled with pornographic moans that could almost be likened to congestive heart failure if an ear malfunctioned. Those large, pastel-pink acrylic nails? No. You must remember that it is a very generalized setting, meant to be fantastical, and exists off of exploiting sex workers. Exploiting sex workers, their heard-earned money, and exploiting off a very, trans-misogynistic society.

   If you are someone that is aroused by WLW porn, by two women in a likely dangerous setting, doing so for the monetary value and out of desperation, but find two men kissing on the street as disgusting. The physical bonds of hands brushing together as revolting or undeniably 'alien' compared to heterosexuality, this applies to you. I refuse to stand with or for you either. You are hypocritical.

S y n o p s i s | It seems that everyone I've mentioned seems angry, disappointed, and/or internalizing homophobia because the fantasy that is porn, that is BL or Yaoi, Yuri, whatever the medium may be, because the same does not translate into reality. LGBT+ material is often fetishized and created to appeal to heteronormative, perisex audiences. When that occurs, distortion is the result. I am not depicted as a person in a relationship with a handsome (despite occasionally frustrating) significant other. I am not depicted as a pansexual person who is still, undeniably pansexual despite who I date. LGBT+ Relationships™ are not identifiable under specific means. To claim so would be stereotyping the LGBT+ Community altogether.

Bonus Rant: Can we, unanimously, agree to stop acting as if religious, non-LGBT people that aren't homophobic are that way because they don't uphold to another 'ridiculous' standard of their religion? My friend is Jewish, Kosher, and still not a homophobe. It really isn't that difficult to alter your perspectives, and to act as if it is because of the reason I mentioned above is just short-sighted and fallacious.

Anyway...I apologize for the tangential piece I published. I don't assume it'll gain much traction, and I'll likely delete disrespectful comments. I do claim responsibility if I potentially demonized any non-LGBT+ folk by generalizing the communities discussed in this (although I can't say I apologize). The issues and perpetuations that further harm in our society is nowhere near as important as issues in apparently lesser developed countries and the body counts currently gaining, but it is an issue nonetheless, and one I thought I should address. Have a lovely day/night, because I certainly will.
[ x ]

   Hello! How are you? How is everything? I'm prefacing my thoughts with the aforementioned questions. I do this because I have been feeling a reasonable amount of guilt for my negligence. I have been receiving an A+ in all of my classes, surprising considering that they are comprised of AP courses, and I've been socializing as one normally would. Hell, I've even been volunteering throughout! I have been doing all of these activities — without fervor. I dislike that. I truly dislike that facet of myself. Logic dictates that I should be enjoying myself and those I surround myself with, but I have not. Beneath my neutral demeanor is an unwavering sense of apathy that is draining me, both as a Student Writer and within my disposition. A number of events have occurred throughout these months, some pleasant and others entirely unfortunate.

   Please, do not misunderstand. I am not attempting to evoke emotions or harbor sympathy. I'm simply sharing my thoughts in the aspiration that I can inspire someone, anyone. Writing has the ability to save lives. People may not need one another, but we certainly do need to hear things, and I wish to be exemplary of that. I must change myself; for the future and betterment of my person, wholly. I am not religious. My revelation is not one of Christ or divergent from the Hindu faith in which my parents divulge. I have neither spent time genuinely ruminating amongst my scattered mind, nor do I consider it a midnight epiphany. It is a quiet realization that has dawned upon me. I must cultivate the ambitions and expectations I set for myself; it is both my purpose and duty to create a difference.

   To whomever read the entirety of this linguistically unhinged jargon, I appreciate your patience. It is a virtue many do not possess. There are only a countable amount of aphorisms I can create. Amongst them is the concept that your intrinsic value is not determined by others. Your failures do not determine your character. Your actions, perpetuated attitude, and mindsets, however, do.

   Words do not contain the prowess they once did. I encourage you to find the crescendo in my individual letters, as I am pouring my thoughts out. I do not expect one to be vitalized after reading this, but I do anticipate that this renders you to motivate yourself and aim for your aspirations. Confidence is a concept that people are finding increasingly difficult to relate to, and it can be grueling to traverse across the journey of loving oneself and learning to do so. Truly, I do believe that such a pilgrimage is worth it. Nothing is promised in life aside death, but you must have faith in yourself — a genuine definite.

   Happiness: The state of being happy.

   But what exactly does 'h a p p y' qualify beneath? Ultimately, that endeavor is something defined by you. Nonetheless, it is a simple chemical in our brain, created by the hormones serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins. It is also created by you. Solely you. You must fertilize and understand what fabricates your contentment. You cannot authentically be joyful around others if you cannot find that joyfulness in yourself. I am not encouraging you to reach an inner Nirvana or claim one does not need to surround themselves around civilization, but you needn't tread the line of unraveling into nothingness during the circumstance of forlorn happenings. 

   Your satisfaction in life is dependent upon your outlook. It is not deep-rooted in something so menial as feelings. Emotions are fleeting, happenstances that exist one moment and dissolve like crystal speckles the next. Happiness is a decision, a choice, and a cognizant one at that. It is a habit one must force upon themselves, a mechanic we must master. I am no Saint. I am flawed, and I have been pressed, bruised, and made an uncountable number of mistakes, but I am uttering the truth as unwaveringly as I possibly can. Consider me idealistic, but please do not forget your value.

   With that parting message, I would also like to add that I hope you are succeeding within your occupational field, or as a student attending school. I bid you all a wonderful day. Be happy. You certainly deserve it.

"Whatever you are, be a good one."